Falling in Love

I have never been one to proclaim that I « Fell in love. » In my opinion those words have been way over used in our culture. I decided long ago that I only wanted to say that once in my lifetime to that one special person. Yet I find myself exclaiming these words precisely. Oh, not to a person, but rather a place.
As we embarked on our journey halfway across the continent of Africa this past week, I had no idea what awaited me. I knew of this place, and I tried to love it the best I could before I really knew it, but, as I have come to find out, that isn’t real love.
Our plane made two stops along the way. I am pretty sure that our next to last stop was the longest flight I have ever been on in my entire life. It was only about an hour and thirty minutes from Lagos, Nigeria to Yaoundé, Cameroon, but to me it felt like 21 hours and 30 minutes. I tried to sleep, but couldn’t. I tried to read, but somehow could not seem to concentrate. All I could do was sit and wonder what lay ahead of me.
Wonder, “What’s it going to be like?” “Am I going to like it?” I was afraid of the possibility that I might not like it. So many questions, fears, doubts, and yet unbelievable excitement was running through my head at one time.
When our plane began the descent into Bangui, the capital of C.A.R, I am pretty sure that butterflies over took my stomach. After all these years of waiting, praying, and hoping it was finally here. Yet, I felt like a little girl meeting my lifetime crush for the first time. And then, it happened the landing gear was lowered, may I stop to thank Jesus for this, and we touched down. In that moment, that tiny second that we met the ground, all fears and doubts vanished.
I describe that week in this way, “It was the longest, shortest, most awesome, and yet most miserable week of my life.”
In trying my best to describe this week to a dear friend I told her, “I have never felt the way I felt that week before.” In that week I found my calling, my longing and at the same time felt my own inadequacy. No, I wasn’t prepared for what happened. I wasn’t prepared to “Fall in love.” I am not sure at what point I realized what was happening. Maybe I knew it all along. It was the best and worst feeling all wrapped up into one. My emotions were going crazy. If I had to describe these feelings I would say, “It felt like someone had take my heart, mind, sound reasoning, and emotions and ground them all up and mixed them together.” I wanted to cry, scream, and laugh all at the same time. I experienced joy, pain, and deep sorrow in the same breath.
The work is so new, so fresh, and so white with harvest. I realized in that week that I wasn’t ready to begin working with them. I realized that I myself needed to be trained. Yet, I saw the need. I felt their hunger for teaching; even the children and I thought how can I keep them waiting another 4 yrs. I struggled with this. I struggled with God and the path I knew He was trying to take me. I struggled with myself.

I didn’t want to get on that plane to come back. I wanted to kick, scream, and throw a tantrum fit. But, I knew this more than likely would not help. So, I refrained. I came home broken and with a bleeding heart. Numb emotionally and feverish physically. I prayed asking God for direction for my future. I questioned what He had already told me. I was “torn up” on the inside. Yet, through all of my questioning and just plain hard-headedness, Jesus remained faithful and patient. He is slowly but surely giving me peace to continue in his plan. He is helping me see it not as a detour, but rather as stepping stone. I need to go home and go to Bible School.
I’ve come to the conclusion that falling in love isn’t easy, maybe it isn’t always fun, but it’s worth it.

Walking in the New Mercies

It's just been one of those days. One of those days that from the word "go" you feel like you are walking in sludge. Sometimes there's a reason we feel this way, but today was one of those days.....there wasn't a reason. I just felt like a dark cloud was hanging over my head ALL day!

It started about 5:40 this AM....I was awakened by a night-mare. After I was awake, there was no going back to sleep. So, I decided to have my "quiet time" with the Lord. I am still not sure what on earth I said to him.....I hope He understands mumbo jumbo, because I think that's what I was speaking! At least I tried....right?

Finally, I was convinced He and I weren't making any progress...I couldn’t go back to sleep in my bed. I had just had a night-mare for goodness sake! So, I went and climbed in bed with my momma. I felt much better then!

Around 7:30 I got up brushed my teeth, put my hair up in a messy bun and made my appearance down stairs. (What can I say? It was just one of those days.) I attempted to commence my schooling, but I kind of..well..I ah....fell asleep on the couch. (What?! I'm a senior...I have benefits.)

Around 9 I awoke and again restarted my studies only to out that a dear friend had been injured. (This dear friend is fine! It was just one of those days!) We got this dear friend home and I finished my school.

If you know me at all....you know a break down was on it’s way . Around 10:30 PM I was ready for this day to be over. But, in the emotional, sludgy state I was in; sleep was out of the question. So, I decided to have a pow-wow with Jesus. In other words....I had a meltdown.

I have decided melt downs don't really help. The more I melted the worse I felt, and just when I thought I was at the end of my rope…………Jesus reminded me of scripture.

“It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are made new every morning, great it thy faithfulness.” ~Lamentations 3:22-23

Just when I thought all of his mercies towards me were used up, just when I thought He had forgotten about me, He reminded me that he gives new mercy everyday! You know something else……..his mercy is enough to last throughout the whole day.
I just stopped typing to smile.

Even when I felt that he couldn’t possibly be around…….his mercies were right there waiting for me to take them. Why does he give us mercy? Because he loves us! Therefore along with his mercy, he gives us a bit of love, too!

You may be wondering……”Hannah, why did you take the time to write this blog?” Here’s why, someone out there needed to know that their mercy with Jesus hasn’t run out for today, and that tomorrow there will be some more waiting on them! Don’t give up just yet, because just when you think you’re at your wits end his mercy is there with you!

Walk in his mercy, dearest!

The key to true beauty

If you are a girl reading this, then you are going to know exactly what I am talking about......We spend hours making sure we have that "perfect" outfit....the most adorable shoes. Hairstyles, we have those down to a tea. We will do just about anything to make sure that we look beautiful. Once we feel we have achieved that goal....we take one look in the mirror and squeal in horror as we see once again...the image we have in our head doesn't match what we see in the mirror. Why is this?????? Is it because there is something wrong with us? No, it's because we have yet to "put on" the key to true beauty.

"What is this "key?" you might ask. Here let me show you......

The Bible says in Psalms 147:1 "Praise ye the Lord: for it is good to sing praises unto our God; for it is pleasant; and praise is comely."

Now, if you are like me.....you are thinking "What does comely mean?"
Comely means beautiful....

There you have it. The key to true beauty is praise! When I read this verse in Psalms, it just blew my mind! It was like a light went off in my head! True beauty, as we have all heard, comes from the inside. Now, I have often wondered...."How do you make your insides beautiful?" I mean, I could run around and help everyone in need, hug a few babies, and scream "peace on earth," but that doesn't make me a beautiful person on the inside.

Only when we have Jesus Christ living on the inside of us and a heart full of praise to HIM can we be truly beautiful. I know what you're thinking......"Does this mean that I have to walk around with my hands folded singing "How Great Thou Art" in a prayerful manner all the time?" haha No, but when you live a life of praise...you suddenly see things in a different manner. You have more joy in your life, the love and light of Jesus starts to radiate out of you.....people notice a change, and you don't mind talking about the ONE that changed you! You learn to love people, instead of seeing them as mess-ups...you see them as messes Jesus is just waiting to clean-up! A life of praise is a life devoted to the Master. It takes time and commitment. But, it is so worth every minute of it!

Lord, help me to "put on" the key to true beauty, and help my life to become a life of praise to you!

"Because No One Cared About My Soul"

Psalms 142:4 "I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul." KJV

As I was doing my nightly Bible reading I read this verse. I have read this verse many times before, but tonight it kind of jumped out and grabbed me.
As I read and reread over it, another verse came to my mind.

Ezekiel 22:30 "And I sought for a man among them that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none." KJV

As I sit at the computer and try my best to think of something profound to say, something that will bring you to your knees in tears.....I find nothing. Maybe it's because the burden for the country God has placed in my heart is too heavy. But, maybe just maybe these verse are self-explanatory. All I know is this: after sitting here for what feels like hours this is what I have to say..........there is a world out there dying lost because "No one cared about their soul."

Here are a few statistics I would like to share with you about the country we are appointed to.

The Central African Republic:

Indigenous Beliefs 35%
Protestant 25%
Roman Catholic 25%
Muslim 15%
(Animistic beliefs and practices strongly influence the Christian majority.)

"I won't delay
I won't hesitate
I will obey your call
And abandon all to see
The power of God
Your glory revealed
My nation healed"